Something special happened today while seeking inspiration for a writing challenge using the word RESET. I started my morning in prayer and meditation, research and deep thought in preparation for the actual writing. I know, without a doubt, that I was spiritually led to the Camera Roll on my cell phone. I scrolled through many pictures until I saw this image (above). The photo highlighted here captures very troubling moments in time for our immediate family.
At least three different times in the past ten years Tara struggled with depression, regression and psychosis. To help one of many clinicians understand, I explained that all in all, Tara lost 6 years to this “condition” for lack of better words. We are convinced that the last episode was brought on by the pandemic lockdown. The two prior incidents seemed to be spiritual attacks. Through trial and error we found a way to provide temporary solace for our terrified child.
Years ago, I purchased a very large, very comfortable reclining rocker for my 6’3″ husband, Ron. Let me tell you about that chair. It was dark chocolate brown and soft like a newly groomed poodle. It was stationed in a corner of our TV/Family Room. If we sat in it, we slept. Weary or not, our bodies just poured into the chair as if it was made for that moment and whomever sat in it. In times of Tara’s distress it served as a lifesaver.
When Tara was struggling she would find me wherever I was in the house. If I saw her tears flowing or her breathing erratic, I’d ask,
“Do you want mommy to hold you?”
She responded with a nod. I led her to that big comfy chair and guided my lost angel onto my lap and into my arms. As her head rested on my chest I asked her to listen to the beating of my heart. Through her sobs, I’d whisper, over and over,
“Breathe with mommy”.
I then wrapped the blanket around her for a sense that every inch of her was warm and protected. Gently rocking, I hummed Silent Night as I did when she was in my womb. Tara usually fell asleep, and if the chair had its effect on me, I too, drifted.
As I said, this was a temporary fix. A return to that place of refuge, however, became cyclical. I recall the day I called my husband while he was at work. I was melting down at the fact that I needed to console Tara at least ten times that day. I was scared by the thought I was becoming a human chair. Kind’ve funny now, but at that moment, I was freaking out. My pain, though it seems dramatic, was very real. I was actually quite hysterical. I was frantically questioning my life’s purpose. I had to say it out loud to someone… my husband… and then I let it go.
While writing this post, I realized that I was focusing on the wrong word for the writing challenge. That’s what so special. I feel that I was led to word RESET this morning for the sake of my own healing. My revelation is that during those times that I sat in “Daddy’s Big Chair”, comforting Tara with all my heart and soul… crying internally… praying for her peace of mind… my Heavenly Father, Abba, was holding both of us on His lap. He comforted, healed, and RESET both of us. I love that Spirit wanted me to know that.
RESET is my word of the day.
1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
